Getting rejected by a woman is among the biggest thing most guys fear when trying to approach. It’s the main cause for approach anxiety. For some, the fear of sexual rejection can become so strong and distressing, that they’re going to think of any justification possible just to avoid fear of rejection taking action and going to interact with your ex they like. To be fair, getting rejected can be harsh. It can mess you up and give you a feeling of inferiority. It can make you an anti-social person and ruin your life — that is, if you allow it to.
I once went to a night club with a somewhat shy friend. As soon as we got in, he headed straight for the bar and ordered a drink. After that he just endured there, regarding his drink in his hand, watching women walk by. So i tried to encourage him to come with me and talk to some of them. As you can already imagine, he repudiated. Every time I gave him grounds why he have to do it, he previously a convenient justification ready. Now, what makes this story odd here is the fact that he didn’t even disagree with me. He totally understood what I was telling him and didn’t try to claim with me but still were able to find enough reasons not to act.
I hope you already know where I’m heading with this story. His anxiety about sexual rejection was so strong, that she decided just to stand there and watch me getting together with different women, even when he knew, that she should have done the same. The saddest part about this story is that she will never start to approach women when he doesn’t accept that sexual rejection is something everyone of us can overcome.
I will be honest with you. There is not much I can tell you that will change your behavior overnight. There are no magical words to “cure you” of approach anxiety or anxiety about sexual rejection. Even if you agree with me 100% here, your anxiety about sexual rejection will not disappear that easily. The only way to overcome these fears is to go out and gather reference experiences and this takes time. You are in the wrong place here if you are looking for an immediate solution. Every major change in your mind takes time.
Before shifting, I need you to accept one thing: sexual rejection could happen to you. Now this may sound harsh but take it into consideration, that even guys who teach pick-up and have been in the game for many years, still get rejected. The more you approach, the more you will see sexual rejection. And it’s really totally okay to be scared. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Getting rejected is not a bad thing. Once you accept that, it gets easier. You will not be so scared anymore when approaching different women and won’t care if you get rejected. And here is the kicker: because your attitude towards sexual rejection differs from the others, you will get rejected less.
The secret of dealing with sexual rejection is not to allow it to get to you. If you manage to keep your emotional state calm before approaching and after getting rejected, the fear that usually comes in these levels will quickly disappear. Getting rejected will aid you to study from your failures. It will improve your approach and lessen the anxiety when getting together with a female. You will eventually learn, anytime you get rejected, it’s not always because you did something wrong. Sometimes, it has nothing regarding how you look or what you do. So, when you get rejected, don’t take it personally. Women have hundreds of different reasons why they rejected you and undertake and don’t are related with who you are.
In conclusion this article and to give you a better understanding what I’m talking about, let me give you two examples of the behaviors of different men. One of them is your average joe who approaches girls rarely (if ever) and takes sexual rejection dead seriously and the other is an leader male who doesn’t care if he gets rejected or not.
The average Joe always hesitates before a technique. He tries to encourage himself why he’s worthy to approach your ex. He gives her too much value and weak hands to himself. He thinks of all the things he could say to her and how she would respond. Finally, when he’s mustered up enough daring to approach her, he walks over to her. He mumbles something (something she doesn’t even understand) and tries nervously and anxiously to hold her attention. She does not respond the way he anticipated to and turns away from him. He’s just gotten rejected. As he is walking away, he is devastated because he missed “his big chance” and hopes no one saw his approach. His will not approach girls for a long time anymore.
The leader guy sees a lady he likes and starts, without uncertainty, walking straight towards her. Nothing will get rid of him now and the possibility of getting rejected won’t even enter his mind. Like everyone, he may have some fear when he approaches, but doesn’t allow it to get to him. When he opens the conversation, all the girl sees, is his confident position and relaxed attitude. From the outside, there is no find of fear left in him. Even when he gets rejected, he won’t care and start over-analyzing why this happened to him. He won’t care if other people saw his “embarrassing” approach. He knows that she was just one girl and there are many women who would be happy to meet him. He finds another one he likes and approaches her.
The difference between the average joe and the leader? It only depends how anyone can deal with sexual rejection and approach anxiety. If you can brush it off like it’s nothing, you won’t become so outcome dependent and have more success in general. You will be more confident and free to act the way you want to.
So, all I can tell you here is to start approaching regardless how hard it feels. If you do it regularly, you start to enjoy it and your fears will diminish. You maybe never lose your fear, but you will learn to deal with it. Don’t allow your fear determine your behavior, learn to overcome it. Remember, the only way you can avoid sexual rejection and anxiety that accompany it, is to stop getting together with women altogether. You may not want to take that step?